I stuttered through grade school, here's the advice I wish someone had told me 15 years ago

I stuttered through grade school, here's the advice I wish someone had told me 15 years ago I still stutter sometimes but a lot less than I used to. Here's my advice for someone just starting high school. I stuttered really badly in grade school. At worst, I was unable to use the telephone because I couldn't speak for at least 30 seconds after picking up the receiver, and would sometimes block seemingly at random for 20 seconds or longer. I did speech therapy from about age 8 to age 18, and got a lot better, and I've had normal professional jobs and relationships. I'm 28 now; these days I still stutter sometimes but these days tend not to block/pause (still occasionally do repetitions though) and it doesn't seem to get in the way of anything I want to do. To reduce stuttering, I've got 3 recommendations: * Speech therapy. * Conquer social anxiety. * Be a bad-ass anyway. 1. Speech therapy. If you're in the USA and under 18, you can get free speech therapy from a speech-language pathologist through the public school system. This is a big benefit: paying for it yourself would probably cost $50+ per session. Speech therapy is about learning how to consciously control what you're doing when you speak, so you can speak clearly and slowly even when you feel like panicking. There are a bunch of stupid-sounding exercises that actually help, like reading individual words really slowly, exhaling a small amount of air before saying each word, and using constant voicing/phonation (e.g. "v" instead of "f", "aah" instead of "hh"). It's like practicing kicking a field goal -- it's pretty easy to do in practice, but it's still helpful to practice a bunch of times so when the pressure's on you can do what you want to do. The speech therapist through the school will probably not be an expert on stuttering, but do the stupid-sounding exercises anyway. This brings me to my next recommendation... 2. Conquer social anxiety. A lot of people are afraid of rejection, and hate things like public speaking. Stuttering tries to help you not get rejected by making sure you never speak. I started stuttering when I started grade school and first was around a bunch of people who really didn't give a shit about me, and I didn't know how to deal with the rejection. The [Social Anxiety Mammoth](http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html/2) is one take on this. You don't stutter if there's no risk of social rejection: talking to your cat, singing, etc. Speech therapy is about learning how to speak even when you're terrified. Conquering social anxiety is about not being terrified in the first place. [John Harrison says he overcame stuttering by learning to not care if he made other people angry.](http://www.masteringstuttering.com/recovery-stuttering.htm) This rings true for me -- I grew up with a fairly religious and controlling family so I was taught to always do what was "right" instead of doing what I wanted. As this relates to stuttering -- again, stuttering is the body trying to save me from social embarrassment (which in a cave tribe could get me killed -- better to be silent and not to piss off stronger tribe-mates). Thing is, in the modern world, you're protected by laws, and if you want to win you have to put yourself out there and learn from messing up socially a bunch of times (in ways that could have gotten you killed 500+ years ago). Look up "progressive desensitization". For stuttering, this means desensitization to rejection by other people. Practice whatever you find slightly scary until it's not scary anymore. For example, I worked with a speech therapist who had me call random local businesses and ask normal questions ("How late are you open?" "Do you sell anchovy pizza?") just so I could get used to putting myself out there. If this would scare you, you should do it until it doesn't scare you anymore. If this would *really* scare you, start out with something a bit easier, like asking questions to someone who only scares you a little bit. This exercise (calling random businesses to ask questions, and videotaping myself doing it) was the single most helpful thing I did to stutter less. 3. Be a bad-ass anyway. Look, high school is really stressful but looking back on it no one really knows what they're doing. The kids don't know what they want in life and the teachers usually failed out of better-paying careers. Social status is made up, and the way to win is to play your own game. The guy who got rich by inventing the web browser explains [what's wrong with high school](http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html). Basically, figure out what you want to do and try to get really good at it before you graduate and have to support yourself. Get A's in your classes -- grades are basically a test of discipline and even though the assignments are stupid and boring the real test is whether you'll learn the material anyway, and if you get good grades you can get into colleges that give better financial aid. For example, Harvard is free if your parents make less than $75k a year, but to get in you need A's in all of your classes plus being the best in your region at something (like get a job at a research lab and get your name on a research paper, or practice piano 3 hours a day for 10 years and win a piano competition). As for what to study in college, I'd personally recommend electrical engineering, then working for two years, then getting an MBA -- this combination will open doors for really high-paying and interesting jobs. Look realistically at what other people have done, what work they did to get there, and what % of people tried and failed out of that track. I guess what I'm saying is it matters what you learn in high school but it doesn't matter if you humiliate yourself along the way. So, I'd recommend that you take the attitude that you are a *celebrity* and you are there to do the minimum necessary work to get all A's in college-prep classes and to spend your free time getting to be the best at *some adult activity*. You don't care too much what other people think of you; in fact, you attract *haters* who are secretly jealous of your success with *some adult activity*. I wouldn't give this advice to most people; I'm giving it here because this is what would have helped me. Also, if you're attracted to a woman, ask her out -- a big regret for me was not asking someone out because of fear of others' disapproval (also related to stuttering). Again, you're a *celebrity* and of course people are going to talk about you and often disagree with you because you're exploring new frontiers of cool. This attitude will get you over the fear of social rejection that seems to be at the root of stuttering, or at least was for me. Other notes: The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 is the law that guarantees everyone in public schools whatever accommodations they need for "disabilities". Don't think of yourself as disabled though. I've worked with some older people who stuttered who went through school in the 70s before this law, and I mention it because they developed a word-substituting habit to try to hide it. That's a stressful way to go though and I don't recommend word-substituting. PM me if you want to know more. Good luck.