Then let the thought of having the ability change you.. the more you let an external circumstance dictate how you feel the more control it has over you. You get to choose joy, to choose to connect to people, to be seen and heard. You get to choose that for yourself. And once you do life opens up for you bc you’re allowing yourself to be. Now I get where you’re coming from. I’ve wished for fluency all of my life but I didn’t really become “fluent” through minimizing myself yet rather expressing myself through the disfluency. Turns out people typically do not care as long as you’re not making it a big deal. It’s like when you have a pimple on your forehead, we all know it’s there we may touch on it for a moment but then it’s on to the next thing bc it’s really no big deal. But if you keep making note of the pimple, touching it and complaining about it, you’re only drawing more attention to it. Throw a pimple patch on it and keep it pushing. Energy flows where attention goes so choose to pay attention to times you’ve been fluent and how you felt in those moments. Carry that feeling with you. A bit of tough love here but I really hope this helps someone bc I too wasted so much time thinking “my life would be so much better without stuttering” but honestly idk that. Maybe in some (or most) ways but not focusing on the problem has opened my life and stuttering has literally saved my life several times but that’s a loooong story lmao. Take care of yourselves guys 🙌