I am 31 so I know how it feels. When I was a kid I had hope my stutter would go away since I read for most people that stutter it does go away. I paid so much money for speech therapy and it didn't do anything. After I turned 25 I realized this shit will never go away. Since then, like you I just don't care anymore. I live like I am in a a videogame. I am not suicidal but if died today in some accident I wouldn't mind. My best advice would be to try to have as much fun as you can, no matter what the cost is.