There was a poster in my speech therapists office that I always liked. “Just because you are bad fluency day, it doesn’t mean that today is a bad day. Just because you are having a good fluency day, it doesn’t mean that today is a good day” Not to get all real but having a stutter means that you are at the whims of the impermanent and cyclic nature that is present within all phenomena related to consciousness. It’s completely normal to put your well-being and happiness on impermanent mental constructs such as “fluency”, everyone puts their wellbeing’s on something they can’t control. In fact…some might even say that putting your happiness on the whims of impermanence is the source of all human suffering. This is just my take on it but if you are able to switch your perspective, maybe you are lucky to get this rare glimpse into the reality of human suffering. I mean don’t get me wrong, having a stutter definitely can suck. It’s painful, if you are putting emotional pain on something you can’t control and you know will never get better, wouldn’t that technically make us chronic pain patients? Sometimes I do genuinely believe the worst thing about having a stutter is that it doesn’t really allow you to mindlessly float through life waiting for death to take you away. It can make life so painful that you’re basically forced to learn how to accept yourself, and that’s really fucking tough. That being said, I know I was just using “fluency” as a scape goat to run away from facing the uncomfortable truths of my life and if I woke up one day completely fluent, in 30 seconds I would have found something else that I could blame as the cause of my unhappiness. It could be possible you’re doing the same, that’s not for me to say…no idea I’ve never met you. Maybe just consider if you have some weeds that might serve you better to start to trim until they finally stop growing back.