Content
Emotional Story/Experiences/Dreams I'm laying in bed here thinking where did my stutter first come from? As a child and up until 6th grade I didn't have a stutter at all, in fact I was one of the most articulate fluent speakers you could imagine. Reading tests would be a breeze and I would fly through them as well as talking with other people. My grades were all A's or B's and everything was looking extremely promising until middle school hit. I just started to develop blocks in my speech for no apparent reason. What happened to me? It just came out of nowhere and I have no idea what caused it, stress and more anxiety maybe? We also started doing presentations which were completely new to me. The first few presentations / read alouds in class were fine. I honestly don't know what happened to me or why I just randomly began to stutter. There was a really traumatic experience I had in 7th grade when I was giving my first formal speech. Every sentence or word I began on just wouldn't come out or I would sound insanely choppy the whole way through. By the end of the speech I wasn't sure anybody even understood what I was saying because of how slow and all over the place it was. From there on, I was afraid to speak forever. Over the years it's seemed to get gradually worse. Like back then in 7th grade I could say my first and last name with no problem, and explain stories too. But now I try to avoid every situtation that involves speaking. I'm now in 10th grade, and I can say it's at an all time worse. Every year progressing forward from middle school has been dreadfully bad. Nowadays I can't even order food I want, talk on the phone with someone, answer a question in class that I know but I can't say it so I just say "I don't know" instead. My grades are the worst they ever have been. Averaging a D in most of my classes and barely passing. It's so emotional just typing all this out because it's prevented me from enjoying life and living it how I want. I want to become an actor, but seeing where I'm currently at, that thought seems like a fairytale and a giant fucking joke. I've lost motivation to do anything and I guess all I can do is vent my thoughts out. I want to know if it's possible to be my old self again, like when I was younger and really fluent. Is there any way to untrigger the stuttering? I don't know. If you are still reading, I thank you greatly and I hope I wasnt the only kid who went from being a little einstein, to the mess that I am today. I would do anything and everything to rid myself of this stutter, literally ANYTHING.