am I the only one or is there anyone else ?

am I the only one or is there anyone else ? whenever I see people chit chatting either useful or crap, though I won't participate in the conversation since I can't speak fluently which if I did might affect the flow of group chit chatting, I always like to listen to the conversations and observe the facial expressions and body language of the people. People who know me understand me. but sometimes it seems like bit of nosy thing and some people are not comfortable with a silent observer around them. the more I long for conversations, the more the repulsions made by those people to detach from me. I sort of get used to rejections and loneliness but the thought of things that I can't have access to frustrates me. everything/everyone in the world has its/their own plus and minus. idk will I be happy if I were able to do things that I presently can't do. the disability makes me weird. I worry about the thought that I will never have life of my fellow people and have to struggle for survival with them and struggle within myself simultaneously. even retards and losers are satisfied with my stuttering thinking that I might stagnate in my life or they might surpass me in better class of life or I might accompany them directly or subconsciously motivating them for time being. i neither can scream nor stay silent about my situation or my life. I still remember the opportunities/possibilities of my life which could have turned out completely great. but that didn't happen. and this is my life I'm living. I'm trying and I'm positive that my life will get better.