hey! I struggle with the exact same speech pattern you’re going through now. When I was younger, my stutter was repetitions, and it was significantly better than it is now. Fast forward to now, and my speech is the worst it’s ever been, with blocks happening with every sound, being unable to get anything out or breathe, and just freezing in place until I can find a way to get any sound out. As I got older, I started becoming more aware of my speech and the fact that it isn’t like everyone else’s. Along with that, I started going through more and more real life experiences/situations where my stutter was on full display (ie. job interviews, conversations with others, presentations etc). In all honesty, those experiences feel like trauma. Any instance where my stutter completely takes over and I can’t get a single word out feels like trauma. I recently started speech therapy, and we were talking about the fact that my speech evolved from repetitions into complete blocks, and my therapist believes that every negative experience i’ve had surrounding my stutter and the physical and mental toll it takes to speak, that has caused my brain to completely shut down when speaking because it wants to avoid going through the mental turmoil a stutter brings, so it has decided to completely block anything from coming out as a way to avoid the struggle. The first step I had to take to unlearn this is acceptance. Acceptance of the stutter, of people’s reactions/expectations, and just the fact that this isn’t something that will go away, but can only improve if you work it. Once you start unlearning the behavioral/mental aspect of a stutter, you can start tackling the physical aspect which is simply trying to get any sound out regardless of what it sounds like. I’ve unpacked most of the mental stuff, and now we’re working on simply trying to get sound out. If you’re not already, I really recommend trying speech therapy again. I held it off for so long thinking it wouldn’t help because all my previous therapists (I also had a therapist in elementary & middle school) were trying to “fix” my stutter and show me ways to NOT stutter. When I found my current therapist, it was a wholeeee different experience. Instead of trying to fix my stutter, we unpack everything and I never realized how much of a factor mental health & trauma played into a stutter. My advice would be DEF look into speech therapy, and avoid the ones that focus on techniques to “fix” the stutter. You need a therapist to help unpack your past experiences and tie it into your stuttering behaviors. Once you start understanding, it becomes much easier to accept the situation, and then you can start working on actually speaking. Best of luck and remember you’re never alone and there will always be someone in your corner!