That's honestly whats most frustrating about stuttering. At certain topics i actually have a lot of knowledge and im able to articulate it really well in my head or text but most of the time i pull myself out even from those conversations because even though there is people who doesn't care about my stutter and are patient enough to let me finish what i have to say, its still very uncomfortable for me to stutter both physically and mentally so i rather not talk at all or keep it very very short and surface level. Never giving a damn is what kept me alive and well to this day but im starting to get really frustrated about not being able to communicate what i want when i want. I know what kinds of things i could do/achieve if i was able to talk fluent and not being able to do them even if i know how is whats bugging me the most. And honestly if i'm going to be taken aback from things i thrive for forever and can't improve my skills to a level where im comfortable enough doing what i want, the thought of ending things earlier is really keeping my mind busy.