Fluent Under Pressure, Blocks When Relaxed – Emotion/Impulse Triggered? How Can This Go Away Completely?

Fluent Under Pressure, Blocks When Relaxed – Emotion/Impulse Triggered? How Can This Go Away Completely? Hi everyone, I’m posting because my case feels very specific and I’m wondering if anyone relates. (my speech therapist that I had for 8 Moths, said she never had something like that and cant really help me, cause the usual techniques like pull out…, aren’t for my case) **Background** * I stuttered as a small child (repetitions). * It completely disappeared around age 10-13 * At 14 it suddenly came back — but only as blocks, not repetitions (in 7 days I will be 18) So not “wa-wa-water,” but more like: “w….. w…” or total silence at the start of a word. **The Strange Part** I am completely fluent in high-pressure situations. * Interviews (1.5 hours, fully fluent) * Presentations * Talking to strangers * Approaching women (no problem at all) * Tests (even in English; I am German) * I can speak fast, loud, emotional — zero blocks. But in relaxed situations (family, close friends, phone calls (but not with stranger)), I often block. It happens especially when: * I want to say something important * I want to emphasize something * I feel mild or high excitement * Or sometimes simply when I want to say something at all, tell a story It doesn’t require strong emotion. Even a small impulse can trigger it. **What a Block Feels Like** * Sudden “wall” at the beginning of a word (at the beginning of a sentence or in the middl) * Air and sound don’t go through * Slight chest compression and throat clamp * Strong impulse to push * If I push, the word eventually comes out * sometimes for a week I don’t have them and other times I can’t say a word 1 minute (while this minute I can easily say: “I can’t say it right know„, „again„, “wait„… * I almost never block when I just say something short like: “I am going to the gym now„ It’s not fear. It’s not social anxiety. I don’t avoid words or situations. It feels like: Impulse surge → physical compression → airflow stops → block. **Another Pattern** If I block once in a conversation, it often feels like it activates a mode and I’m more likely to block again. If I stop talking for several minutes, it “resets.” **Important Mindset** I genuinely believe this could go away completely and forever. It feels like I don’t actually “have to” stutter. Like I could just talk normally. But sometimes/often I just can’t. It feels more like a habit or a learned reflex I got used to, not a deep chronic condition. **My Question** Has anyone experienced: * Full fluency under pressure but blocks when relaxed? * Blocks that feel like a sudden physical wall? * A contamination effect after the first block? And did it ever disappear completely for you? I’d really appreciate insights, especially from people whose stuttering seems impulse/emotion-triggered rather than fear-based. I need help, it just fucks up. Thanks.